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Woulda, Shoulda, Coulda: Overcoming Regrets, Mistakes and Missed Opportunities, by Arthur Freeman, Rose DeWolf
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What would you rather do tomorrow: Regret the past or build a successful future?
"Moving ahead doesn't mean forgetting where you've been. It means acknowledging that where you've been is not the only place you can go," asserts Dr. Arthur Freeman in WouIda, Coulda, Shoulda. Break out of your daily litany of "woulda, coulda, shoulda" excuses and get into action with this problem-solving program. Learn to stop letting negative events from the past block you from living fully in the present. Your past does not have to be an indicator of your future. You can unlearn self-defeating behavioral patterns and begin to lead a happy, rewarding life. Using the techniques of cognitive therapy, Dr. Freeman does not encourage you to painfully analyze why you became a "woulda, coulda, shoulda" thinker. Instead, he instructs you on how to replace suppressive anxiety over the past with a step-by-step action plan for now. You also discover specific methods for:
- Coming to terms with past mistakes
- Analyzing your own thoughts to identify and eliminate negative, distortional thinking patterns
- Using diversionary tactics to stop the flow of "woulda, coulda, shoulda" thoughts
Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda will lead you from confusion to decision, from immobility to productive activity. Based on the landmark book by Dr. Freeman and Rose DeWolf, this program offers you internationally recognized methods for overcoming past mistakes, regrets and missed opportunities.
- Sales Rank: #87654 in Audible
- Published on: 2015-01-06
- Released on: 2015-01-06
- Format: Unabridged
- Original language: English
- Running time: 60 minutes
Most helpful customer reviews
68 of 69 people found the following review helpful.
this'll help you move ahead from a bad job or relationship
By Carol C.
I'm currently plodding through the post-break-up depression that followed on the heels of a doomed relationship, and reading stacks of self-help books in an effort to salve my spirit. I'm usually skeptical that they'll contain worthwhile advice -- but this one is actually fairly useful, and even though it's aimed at across-the-table regret, I found it to be particularly well-suited to relationship-related regrets. For example, it discusses how we cling to unrealistic "memories of the future" --creating (after-the-fact) a wonderful future to our past relationships and situations, which then permits us to regret the loss of the fantasy futures which we never initially had. It shows how clinging to the past and "woulda,coula,shoulda" fantasies trap us and prevent us from moving forward and finding the life we want. The book starts with a an somewhat humorous analysis of the many types of flawed thinking -- overgeneralization, selective editing, catastrophizing, all-or-nothing thinking, mind-reading, etc. and gives plenty of examples of each of the above (and more). In the first chapter, I felt scolded for ever thinking that "all the single men my age are gay or ax-murderers." The book suggests numerous cognitive therapy techniques to get your thinking back on track, back in accord with reality (rather than self-defeating fantasy). The book challenges our instinctive desire to cling to the past and small comforts -- to hang around where there's a trickle of water rather than to risk searching for a full-blast fire hose. If you're stuck looking back and having difficulty moving ahead, give this book a try. It might not cure all of your regrets, but it should go a long way into helping you to give your regrets a reality check (and ultimately, give your regrets the boot).
53 of 54 people found the following review helpful.
Getting over the past was never so easy!
By C. Phillips
After going through an unwanted divorce, I really was looking for something that would help me get past mourning over my lost relationship. So I ordered several books on "moving on" but this was by far the best. The authors explain in layman's terms the basis of cognitive therapy, which basically says that it is our thoughts about events which bother us. If we can change our thoughts, then our feelings will follow. This book is packed full of simple, yet understated advice that anyone could benefit from reading.
One of my favorite quotes from the book occurs at the end of a chapter and basically says, "Moving forward doesn't mean forgetting where you've been. It means that where you've been is not the only place you can go." I realized that I was stuck in wanting my past relationship (or one just like it) that I didn't know I could have something different.
Anyway, this is a definite for anyone who is afraid to move ahead because they "might" make the wrong decision or they "should" know the perfect answer. And if you have made a wrong choice or completely missed the mark, then this book will help you not only learn to forgive yourself, but also help you to begin taking baby steps in taking new risks and realizing that "Plan B" or C or D might be just as rewarding or maybe even better than the already failed Plan A.
29 of 31 people found the following review helpful.
Practical Advice--the rest is up to you!
By Greyhawk
I admit it...I'm a perfectionist and an all-or-nothing sort of person. I'm also prone to global labeling and always want a guarantee of success without risk.
So, in dealing with the aftermath of a divorce, a relationship on the rocks, a stalled career, and financial collapse, it was incredible to find a book that gave practical advice (far better than the therapist I've seen) and the tools to change my life for the better. This book is well-written and has very little jargon. The authors don't sugarcoat or minimize the problems and are quite candid that people in need of their advice face a lifetime of continual work to keep from falling back into the woulda/coulda/shoulda traps. Since most of us W/S/C folks spend a lot of time thinking, changing your thoughts really does translate into a new life!
This book is a fast read...I was so hooked that I read it in two days, before and after work. Re-reading it is very useful and it doesn't hurt to take notes as you go along.
The pits of despair are still there but I'm not going to wallow in them any longer. This book was my lifeline out...maybe it will help you too.
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